We haven’t spoken in days and I must say its been nice. I never wanted to know you – or maybe I secretly did – but I do now and I wish I could turn back time. I suppose that’s kind of harsh, but nothing is worse than looking into your curious eyes and knowing that something terrible will build in my stomach, causing excruciating pain. But since I met you that’s all I’ve wanted to feel, twisted as that may be. I find myself stuck with this habit that we have created. Is it a good one? No. However, good decisions were never part of our M.O. We are living in this reality that ends like the villains’ stories in our fairy tales. We’re passing time as we wait for our life to end.
I can’t think of a better way to say “I love you” than continuing this habit. The cut is painful, but inviting, and I can’t seem to stop. It reminds me of a love I’ve always craved and I wonder why people tell me I can’t have you. I guess they hold some wisdom that I’ve allowed myself to be blind to. Because I can’t see any harm coming from this. Though it’s around every corner, waiting to jump out in surprise and rip us from this temporary love we’ve settled for.
I don’t know what the right choice is. Either way, I end up feeling some kind of numb that might never go away. I wish I could ask you why. Why did you choose me? And I forget that I chose you just the same. You are this part of me that I refuse to let go of, for fear of hypothetical situations that in no way turn to my favor. You are the side of me that hides in the dark corner of my mind, because people scare me…and you don’t.
your best friend